Grief is something you may have experienced if having lost a loved one. It feels like an overwhelming, powerful wave that envelopes us when we least expect it. Losing the ability to have a family naturally can often bring about grief as well. It can make us feel angry, hurt, and helpless, lost between our desire for children and our inability to have them.
For those who have built their family through IVF, while it was not something you may had planned, you probably can agree that it was worth it. Your family is complete and your dream of being parents is realized.
However, as time ticks on, you might become aware that the story is not over; you still have remaining embryos in frozen storage that you need to make a plan for.
This often results in a heart-to-heart discussion addressing the question, “Do we want another child?” When the heart says, “Yes,” but the brain says, “No,” you might find yourself experiencing the same types of emotions you did when you were struggling to have children: grief.
Discarding the embryos or even giving them to science does not eradicate the sense of loss and heartache you feel. Yet, you are at a standstill, and each year that passes, you might feel more and more overwhelmed. Putting off the idea of a decision does not help with the ever-increasing costs of storage, yet what should you do?
Embryo adoption is one option that may provide a solution and ultimately help you heal and even experience long-term joy. It involves placing your remaining embryos with another family, often one who has also struggled to have biological children. In deciding to move forward with embryo adoption, you might experience a sense of relief and even hope, knowing there is a life-affirming solution out there.
Alternatively, it might take some time to process the emotions that come with this decision. Grief has a host of feelings wrapped up in it, especially when it comes to letting go. After all, you had to fight for your children, and now you are considering giving your remaining embryos to others and, ultimately, letting go of the idea of raising them yourselves. You may find yourself dwelling on what could have been and becoming fearful of what the future may look like. You may question, “Are we holding ourselves back from healing, recovering from grief, and enjoying what the future holds?” While it’s important to identify, respect, and address the emotions you feel related to making the difficult decision about what to do with remaining embryos, many families seek and find peace and a resolution to their fears, whether that’s through continued research, prayer, discussion with loved ones, professional counseling, or a combination of the above.
Embryo adoption may be the solution you are seeking to give your embryos a future filled with hope and joy. To learn more about embryo adoption, visit embryoadoption.org.
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