The holiday season is often a time of joy, but for those facing infertility, it can be filled with a sense of dread.
Amidst the holiday parties and family gatherings come well-meaning but painful questions and comments:
- “So, is there a little one on the way?”
- “When are you planning on having kids?”
- “Timmy needs a brother or sister!”
- “Your biological clock is ticking…”
Though these remarks are rarely intended to hurt, they can feel like a sharp reminder of what you are going through. If you are heading into holiday events this season, it is wise to prepare yourself for such interactions. Planning can ease anxiety and help you feel more in control.
Know Your Limits
Before committing to any event, have a conversation with yourself and your partner about whether you are emotionally ready to attend. It is important not to let the fear of difficult conversations rob you of potential enjoyment. Consider strategies that might make the gathering more manageable, such as arriving late, leaving early, or bringing a supportive friend along.
At the same time, it is perfectly okay to recognize when you just do not have the emotional energy to attend. Skipping an event to prioritize your well-being is not only acceptable—it is self-care. Moreover, you should never feel guilty about putting your needs first.
Plan Your Responses
The idea of dodging every personal question might seem tempting, but sometimes it is worth considering whether you want to share your experience. You may be surprised by how many others in your circle have gone through similar struggles.
Having a response plan can make uncomfortable moments easier to handle. Practice how you will answer if someone asks a tough question. Decide ahead of time how much you are willing to share, if anything at all. It may seem silly, but role-playing these scenarios with your partner or a close friend can help you feel more prepared and confident.
This could also be an opportunity to educate others about the misconceptions surrounding infertility. Comments like, “Just relax and it will happen!” may come from a place of care, but they can be deeply unhelpful and discouraging.
Have a Trusted Ally
A supportive partner or friend who understands what you are going through can be a great asset at holiday gatherings. Whether they help deflect uncomfortable questions, give you a reason to leave early, or simply grab you another drink, having someone in your corner can make a big difference.
If your ally cannot be at every event, consider setting up a backup plan—a quick text or call with them can provide an outlet for venting or offer much-needed comfort after a tough interaction.
Give Others (and Yourself) Grace
While some comments may come off as thoughtless or insensitive, they are usually not meant to hurt. Most people are genuinely interested and may even be showing love, though it does not always come across that way. When possible, try to answer with grace or gently deflect the question. Responding out of anger or escalating the conversation into conflict can lead to regret later.
You might also find that by responding kindly, you open the door to meaningful conversations. Many people may not realize how common infertility struggles are and could benefit from your perspective.
And remember to give yourself grace, too. It is perfectly okay to skip an event if you know it will be emotionally taxing. However, if you do decide to sit one out, try not to scroll through social media to see updates from the event you are missing. Social media can often trigger feelings of jealousy or sadness, especially during the holidays.
Instead, take the opportunity to focus on activities that bring you comfort. Watch a cozy holiday movie, dive into that book you have been meaning to read, take a walk to enjoy the festive lights, or have a special night in with your partner.
Looking Ahead
For some families, this holiday season will bring exciting announcements—perhaps a decision to pursue embryo adoption or news of a pregnancy after a long journey. If you are curious about whether embryo adoption might be right for you, visit EmbryoAdoption.org to learn more.
Recent Comments