When we could not conceive naturally, we turned to in vitro. After six rounds, it became evident that our genetics could not create viable embryos.
Each cycle, our doctor retrieved eggs and created embryos, but they stopped growing before reaching five days. We even traveled to a top specialist in New York City, rented an apartment there for a month, and tried implanting three-day-old embryos, hoping they might continue growing. Unfortunately, that was unsuccessful, too.
Several doctors suggested using an egg donor, but we were not comfortable with that. We considered traditional adoption but wanted to experience pregnancy, so we put that idea on hold.
In May 2020, friends told us about another couple who had a baby through embryo adoption. Despite our seven-year struggle to have children, we had never heard of this option. Legally, embryo adoption is not classified as adoption under adoption law, but as attorneys, we believe the law has not caught up with the science. The standard contract for transferring embryo ownership is not much different from buying a car! Both of us immediately felt this was the right path for us.
The agency we chose, Snowflakes Embryo Adoption, incorporates many steps similar to traditional adoption.
We had to complete a home study, undergo background checks, and have medical examinations. We like to say we adopted our children nine months earlier than most people do.
The cost of embryo adoption was about the same as a cycle of traditional IVF. While we spent a lot on medical intervention during IVF, most of the embryo adoption expenses involved necessary legal paperwork.
Once approved by Snowflakes, we filled out a profile with information about our lives and photos. The agency then shared our profile with embryo donors, who decide if they are comfortable with the potential parents. Privacy was taken very seriously.
Our file included our preferences regarding any potential relationship with the donors. We stated in our profile that we intended to be open and transparent with our children’s journey. Friends who had traditionally adopted advised us that this was the best approach. We wanted our kids to have the option to meet their biological relatives if they wished.
Many embryo donors’ circumstances have changed. The first couple we matched with had children through IVF but could not have another pregnancy due to medical complications. They transferred their remaining four embryos to us, but sadly, while one resulted in pregnancy, we miscarried early.
Though heartbroken, we were encouraged that we could indeed get pregnant. We requested another match, and the next family transferred five embryos to us.
The next step was similar to IVF. Success required synchronizing the woman’s cycle to the right time, essentially tricking the body into accepting implantation. We were thrilled when both embryos implanted, and we were expecting twins!
Pregnancy was an exciting time. I was even grateful for the morning sickness because my doctor said it was a good sign. I had no significant cravings, and my doctor was pleasantly surprised by how easy the pregnancy was, especially given my advanced age.
When our babies were born, our names were on their birth certificates. There was no additional paperwork needed, no court hearings. They were fully our children from their first breath.
We could not love these children more if they were biologically ours. Days pass without a thought of their being adopted; these are our children.
Do you have an embryo adoption or donation story? Send your story and photos to us! Post them yourself via Facebook or email us your story and we will make it available on our Family Stories page, found on our website.
Email Paige@nightlight.org and help another family build their embryo donation or adoption story.
To learn about embryo donation and adoption, visit EmbryoAdoption.org.
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