Infertility is hard; there is no doubt about it.
It is not only hard receiving the infertility diagnosis, but it is hard on their partner and can be hard on their marriage relationship. Trying to conceive can simultaneously create conflict and put stress on a relationship, while simultaneously bringing the couple closer together.
Whether you are trying to conceive, trying to determine the next steps, or leaning toward the adoption process, there are timelines and stress and potential heartbreak if things do not go as planned. When faced with these hardships, some couples pull away from each other while other couples lean on each other for mutual support and grow closer.
No matter where you are in any of these processes or in your marriage, here are five ‘Cs’ to help ease stress and cope better as a team.
Communication
Communication is key to a healthy relationship and when a couple faces struggles, healthy communication can help them make it through. Share your feelings, your fears, your desires. Being open and honest with your partner will help them to know what you are needing and how they can best support you. While being open and communicating with your partner is essential, there also needs to be balance. Talking about infertility too much can cause your partner even more stress, especially if their coping mechanism is avoiding the subject all together. So understanding what your partner needs is key in having beneficial and healthy communication.
Connection
Struggling with infertility can overwhelm and overtake your marriage. It can become the main focus, not leaving room for anything else and causing you and your partner to feel disconnected. Finding positive ways to connect with your partner, even in the midst of infertility, can be helpful in maintaining satisfaction in your marriage. This could be starting a new hobby together, implementing a weekly date night, or even creating a space for intimacy without the focus of conceiving. Taking this time together to focus on each other can help relieve stress on your relationship caused by infertility.
Community
You do not need to walk alone through infertility. You can lean on your partner, but they are also walking through this struggle and may not always have it in them to be strong in a hard situation. Having a community of friends and family to lean on for support can be extremely beneficial. Additionally, finding a support group of other couples who may be facing similar struggles could provide perspective and hope to couples. There is no shame in seeking outside help; no one needs to feel alone in this struggle.
Compromise
Any hard situation can include making big decisions that can lead to disagreements. Infertility is no different. Whether you are disagreeing on who to tell about your infertility or how to pay for your treatments, finding ways to compromise can help both you and your partner feel like you are working together rather than against each other. Decide together who will be a part of your small community to support you. If you are disagreeing on treatments, maybe one of you wants to stop but the other wants to keep going, compromise by taking a temporary break and reevaluating after that break.
Counseling
There could be some decisions that you may not be able to come to a compromise on or some things that just feel too big to handle on your own. Seeking counseling, whether that is individual or couples counseling, can be beneficial to any couple. Often times, counseling has a stigma surrounding it that it is only for couples considering divorce or that have something really wrong with their relationship. But that is not the case. Counseling can be beneficial to help your work through infertility, teach you coping skills, and help you continue to grow your relationship when you feel like life is dragging you down.
Through communication, connection, community, compromise, and counseling, many couples find their next step forward in their family building journey through embryo adoption! To learn about your options, visit EmbryoAdoption.org.
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