The following testimony was written by embryo donors Richard and Deborah and edited by the EAAC for the purpose of this blog.
We donated the eight frozen embryos remaining from our fertility treatments. We’d spent over 10 years trying to start our family before our son was born. As a result of IVF treatments, we now have three children at home, a boy (9), and twin girls (7). As a result of the Snowflake Embryo Adoption program, we also have two healthy genetic children, a boy and a girl (twins), that are a few months old and being raised by their wonderful parents two time zones away.
The circumstances and decision for each family is different. Given the challenges we have faced and our current ages, our decision was ultimately the right one for us but yet it was incredibly difficult to make. We saw the embryos as children so we felt our options were 1) donating them outright with no say in the choice of parents or 2) making them available for adoption through the Snowflakes Program. Doing nothing or donating the embryos for science was not an acceptable alternative for us.
Of course another choice would be to have gone through the procedure again myself. With the first ultrasound of our twins, the doctor asked me if I’d heard of Vanishing Twin Syndrome. He said one of our girls would not survive. It was a long, hard pregnancy. At birth, one twin was 2 lbs., and her sister was almost 6 lbs. Our smallest baby was in the NICU for over a month with various setbacks and when we brought her home, she weighed not quite three pounds. She had to be fed every other hour and once they removed the nasal gastric tube, it took about an hour to feed her.
With another new baby and a toddler not quite two years old, this was exhausting duty. Being in our early 40s, we didn’t have the same energy that we did when we were twenty.
It was a few years before we considered what to do with the remaining embryos. With eight embryos left, we faced the possibility of not just one more child but 2, 4 or more. We also considered that we would be in our late sixties when these children would be in their teens and early twenties. We wanted the children to have younger parents whose values were similar to ours, which is why we chose an open adoption process through the Snowflakes program.
The decision to place the embryos for adoption was still exceedingly difficult. Since we had been through the adoption process at an earlier time and knew what was involved a home study, friend’s letters of recommendation, background checks, and legal documents we knew the adoptive parents would be well screened by the program. We prepared our papers, assembled some pictures, and then sent them to the program.
We waited for a few weeks for information about the prospective adoptive parents. It was hard to select parents. We didn’t find someone just like us only younger – but we did find a couple that had been married for seven years and were suffering with infertility. They were in their late twenties/early thirties, very loving and very caring. The staff answered our questions and concerns about the couple. Were they both really committed to this adoption? Were they going to be able to handle it financially? Will they accept multiples? Did they have other support from friends and family? With the answers provided, we were willing to proceed.
From first reading of the letter from the prospective adopting couple, signing of the adoption papers, and then learning that they were successfully expecting twins, we prayed that they would have an uneventful pregnancy and that no harm would come to the mother or children. We prayed that the children would survive the thaw process, that the procedure would work the first time for the adoptive parents, and the children be strong and thrive. We prayed that the financial burden would not be too great for the adopting parents. All our prayers were answered.
The children were born healthy, though a few weeks early. The parents sent us an email to let us know that everyone was healthy and happy and sent pictures as well. Since then, we have received periodic updates, which we hadn’t expected at all.
When we signed the adoption papers, we never thought that we would see the faces of these children. Now we have and that in itself is a tremendous blessing. We are comforted, knowing that they are in a loving home. We trust their parents to raise them as best they can. We are trying to do the best we can with the three entrusted to our care in our home.
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