The Peace and Courage to Adopt Embryos

By: Ben and Steph, Embryo Adoptive Parents. 

Edited by: The Embryo Adoption Awareness Center

We’ve had an amazing experience with embryo adoption. After dealing with infertility, we looked into embryo adoption. We liked how we could be rescuing little lives that are frozen in time, waiting just to be given a chance at life. Being pregnant was also a huge plus – forming that bond from the beginning and knowing that we could do our best to provide a healthy, happy 9 months for the baby. But at the core, we chose embryo adoption because we felt clearly drawn in that direction.

We have definitely faced the fear of disappointment along the way. Each time you do a transfer, you open your heart to the hope of your embryos surviving and being born, of holding a baby (or babies) in your arms. It’s a place of vulnerability known especially by those who have struggled with infertility. Also, what might be considered typical “adoptive parent” fears cropped up – that our child would someday reject us as the “real parents” or that because we adopted multi-ethnic embryos, our child would have just one more layer of questions and potential difficulty with us being the parents. These fears caused us to pause, take time to talk it through together, and seek peace and reassurance before proceeding.

We are fortunate to know many families who have adopted – domestically, internationally, and through embryo adoption. Seeing their healthy, loving families was reassuring. Mostly it our faith that ultimately brought the courage to go on.

We got pregnant from our first transfer in 2008 and were blessed with a beautiful girl. Recently we did two transfers that did not result in pregnancy; the cycle of emotions was very difficult! But even in loss, we felt that no transfer is “unsuccessful”….each one is a success because it gives that opportunity for life, and we were encouraged that we had been faithful to do our part. At one point of sadness, I (Steph) had said that I wanted to “know that I know that I know” that we should do another transfer – but implied was that I wanted to know we would get pregnant. My perspective changed when I realized that I couldn’t “know that I know that I know.” There’s always a risk involved, it’s never a 100% guarantee. We encouraged each other that these embryos were ours, we had adopted them, and we love them. We had committed to them.

Just like any process of becoming a parent, there can be ups and downs – but if it’s meant to be, not only will you make it through, but you will be wildly amazed at the unimaginable blessing and joy that it brings! We never, ever could have dreamt of the wonderful blessing that our daughter, and the process, has been.

If you want to learn more about Embryo Adoption, visit EmbryoAdoption.org.