To tell or not to tell.
That’s the question for some families who have had children through Embryo Donation and Adoption.
This process – one in which a donor’s remaining embryos from In Vitro Fertilization are given to an adoptive family to use in their own attempt to get pregnant – presents a unique dilemma for some families.
It would be easy for a family to simply not tell any of their friends or family about how they got pregnant. Others could easily assume that it was through natural conception, or even their own IVF process. And if they don’t tell friends or family, they don’t need to tell their child once they are born, do they?
But the problems that go with this decision are enormous. Dawn Davenport, who runs the adoption site “Creating a Family,” writes about this issue in a recent blog post.
“Family secrets,” Davenport writes, can be extremely damaging to a family and can create enormous trust issues for the child later in life.
“The reality is that the child will in all likelihood find out,” she says. “And here’s the kicker–the very fact that you kept it secret gives it far more power than it deserves, and far more power than it would have had if it had been incorporated into the natural flow of family talk from the beginning.”
Embryo Adoption programs, including Snowflakes Embryo Adoption and the National Embryo Donation Center, educate families and strongly encourage to talk about how their child was conceived early and often.
Would this decision be difficult for you? How would you go about discussing this issue with your child(ren)?
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